sadness

so many things had happen for the past few months.. starting with lose contact with 'uncle' till another 'he' got in a relationship..

I'm totally losing contact with this 'uncle', i'm so tired with the way he treated me.. i'm like nobody to him, i'm not even counted as a friend to him.. like usual, he always ended up never replying my bbm and i'm really sick of it.. i'm a human being also, i have feeling too.. so i guess it's time to move on and try to forget this person.. he just came to medan last july for business trip, and we don't really have a conversation at all this time.. we turn out to be like two strangers, i know it's weird but that's the truth.. i think he's trying to stay away from me.. and i have been trying very hard not to look for him all this time and i did it.. maybe we are just not meant to be friends.. =(

somehow i ended up knowing that he get into a relationship.. i kinda hate myself for being so 'kepo', i like to see his twitter, and i found he tweet with this girl quite often, but sounded like they were very close.. i have been guessing for few days, and bbm-ing my besties about this and the worst is i'm trying to convinced myself that maybe they just friends, or maybe best friends.. but someday i found out that they are really together, with all those nicknames, and friends comments.. very heart broken when i saw that and i couldn't really accept it, telling my besties about him and she ask me to really forget him, but it's really hard to forget about someone u love and care so much.. and i ended up emo for 2 or 3 days and i just move on.. you can't do anything about it except wishing that they will be happy together.. i can't say that i really don't love you no more, but i will keep this feeling for my own..  nobody will know about my feeling towards you coz i scared that you will end up treating me as stranger like all the other person i love before.. =(

life is so tough, but we just have to move on.. i know that but talking is easy than taking action.. i wish that my life would be better after all this sadness happen to me.. all i want is a happy life, just as simple as that.. i need to gain my spirit back, coz i will be having my grade 7 ABRSM piano exam this coming wednesday.. hope that everything will went well and the most important thing is focus and don't nervous..

people change

it feels so bad when you realize your friends had changed.. they are not the people that you know already.. people change, left everything behind and move on.. why do people change?? can't people just stay the same??
the person that was once your best friend, now become strangers.. totally strangers.. how sad it is.. that's what life really gives you.. but you can't do anything to change it back, cause the people choose to forget everything and move on with a new path.. a path without you in it.. =(
sometimes you feel okay when your friend take you for granted, but still we're human, we have feeling.. we'll feel like we're not appreciated and not important if you keep treating us like that..
this life really gives you a lot of tasks everyday.. i'm so pissed off with my life nowadays.. so many things have happen and they really makes you feel so down and depress sometimes.. you keep asking yourself, "is it my fault?" *sighhhhh.....

2012

the first post on the 1st day of 2012..
haven't been blogging for 4 months, and lots of things happen.. but it's new year now, don't want to look back anymore.. have to look forward to 2012!!
my only wish for this new year is this year will be better than the previous one.. a year with lots of breakthrough, lots of learning, lots of friendship, but less regrets.. and please fill my life with awesome stuff and awesome people.. wish that my wish can come true.. =)
i wanted to change my life a bit.. maybe start with positive thinking?? my friend told me that i always think to the negative side, whatever the thing is.. i realised that, but it's my reflect.. i'm like trained to always think to the negative side.. but i will try to look more to the positive side starting from now.. it's so tiring to have a negative thinking, cause it makes u to think more and more..
and i want to start dieting again.. haha.. dunno whether it will work or not?? but not a total diet, just lesser the portion of my food.. the most important thing is i wish to make more friends!! i'm tired of relying on my only friends in medan.. sometimes people are just so egoist, they will just look for u when they need u, and when they had new friend they intend to forget about their old friend.. i'm tired of always be the one that please everyone and no one even thankful about it.. maybe it's time to go out and look for new friends, but how?????
tired with everything happen in my life, i just wanted a simple life.. is it very hard to achieve?? i will try to change my life from now on, start my day with a BIG SMILE, look more to the brighter side, and to be more outgoing person.. that's my new year resolution!!!! oh GOD please grant me the power to achieve my resolution!!!!

boring life

feel so bored with my life in the meantime.. although im very busy in the morning till evening, but still i feel so bored when the night come.. it's just like nothing to do, no one to find and to talk too.. sometimes i feel that i don't even have a true friend at all.. like all your friend just disappear when you need them.. and when you tried to find them, they will just take no action with that.. i'm tired of being so friendly and nice all the time, coz it will end up people don't even care about my feeling at all.. they will just treat you like rubbish or even air.. sighhh..

i think i'm totally lost now..
i don't even know where am i now??
what's my purpose now??

damn feel like screaming now!!!!!!!! damn feel like crying all night long!!!!!!

life is like a roller coaster............

life has been like a roller coaster for this few weeks..
first, i was shock to know that this "guy' with the ma'am joke is actually my long long relatives.. can't really accept it at first.. haha.. but yeah.. life must go on, n my brain is working well on it.. n thanks to all the busyness in my life that help me cope with it..

then, i finally found the long lost answer that make my life so miserable for the past few weeks.. MISUNDERSTANDING.. yeap.. that's the keyword.. thanks to my crazy brain that keep thinking too much.. the story was like 2 people nvr reply my chat and comment, and i kept thinking like why?? why?? they hate me?? then 1 day, i saw this friend online.. i was being brave, then i call this friend.. and guess what?? no reply+ offline.. okay.. damn upset.. BUT THEN.. i saw the chat window pop up.. and we chat a while(thanks to the indo internet connection for being damn slow) damn happy, and i realised that it was all misunderstanding.. haha.. silly me..

and i think you really captured my heart back.. i started to focus on you again, i want to know everything about you.. i'm trying to get close to you, but i think it's hard.. but i'm really happy for the good news you get!! you have did a great job all this time, and it's time for you to shine now..
you will be doing great, because that is what you have been longing to do.. no matter what, i will always support you!! <3

and the last thing is, this "guy" is back to medan again.. haha.. but this time quite okay.. coz my brain had been working hard on this problem.. yeap.. no expectations this time.. but still, can you just talk to me more?? that was what i'm thinking.. so it really do come true.. haha.. last day of your trip you talk a lot with me.. so shock for a while.. but good talk btw, know you a bit more.. after that, my mum ask him for dinner together.. and yeah, he sat beside me, had a good laugh and a good joke time.. the thing that we never have before, but hope that it will be better the next time you come, okay cousin?? haha..

i've been blogging so much about them.. haha.. and it's time to get back to listen to the ten2five and andien songs.. favourite music for the mean time.. <3 <3

i give up......

at last i know what's the relationship between you and me..
we are long long relatives..
yeah.. it's true..
you're my cousin's cousin..
what a joke!!!!!!
why do fate always make fools of my life????

i'm talking bout the guy that calls me ma'am,
the guy that always joking with me saying he is married,
the guy that ruins my life since then....

okay... i have to get you out of my mind from now on..
you are just my RELATIVE..
that's it..
there's nothing more..

i want to fly to sg NOW!!!!!!

i damn damn damn want to go to sg NOW!!!!!!!
my friends are having their recitals this weekend..
oh god, why u don't let me go?????
he's having his recital in the next 30 mins,
hope that he will do his best,
and i know he can do it!!!! =)
hope that someone will record the recital and i get to see it..
please!! please!!
i'm so sad that i can't be there.. T.T
how i wish i am there NOW..

however, best wishes from medan for you!!
and best wishes to all my friends!! ganbatte!! <3 <3

该放弃了

i don't understand the relationship between you n me..
sometimes you treat me as a friend,
but sometimes you treat me as a business partner..
sometimes you give me hope,
but sometimes you let me down..
what do you really want me to do??

i've been trying to forget you for so many times,
but you keep appearing in so many ways..
life gets tougher when i have become accustomed with you chatting with me for 3 days straight..
i know i'm crazy, but that's how i feel now..
i kept looking at my phone, thinking that you might be looking for me..
but i know you won't..

maybe it's time to let you go..
maybe it's time to forget about you..
and maybe it's time to give up..

I'M BACK.....

after so long.......... at last I'M BACK!!!!
it's been 1 year since i update my blog..
been having lots of changes n regrets over the years..
and I'm back in my beloved hometown MEDAN for good!!
excited?? YES.. regret?? YES..
haha.. i know i'm crazy..
BUT i really do miss my college life, n my college FRIENDS!!

anyway, been helping in the shop for 6 month plus..
having a total same sequence everyday..
bored?? YES!!!!
need my holiday damn soon..
coz my pop friends having their recital in this end of april..
and i want to be there!!!!! T.T
i miss them n i miss singapore too..
but i know i won't be able to go coz of someone being so childish about the jealousy stuff!!
but i already got my holiday in last March..
went to Jakarta Java Jazz Festival with Lasalle's friends..
having my great time after so long.. =)

i miss him.. >.<
i'm just being so random..
he keeps ruining my life, since we know each other..
actually not always ruining, sometime u just made my day.. =)
we've known each other for only damn good 1 minute,
and the next day you chat n call me ma'am.. >.<
what a joke!!!!!
and the story start from there.. haha..
and i know that the statement "faith always makes fool of people's life" is true..
so many coincidence that ruin all my decision..
and the biggest coincidence is you're here again when i'm almost get over you..
and yes we have a really nice n good chat this time.. =)
but i know this only happen when you're here.. =(
so i'm back to the place where i need to get you out of my mind..
oh faith.... why do you have to do this to me??????

anyway, i have been blogging too much.. haha..
time to sign out..
might be blogging again SOON.. haha..

2010!!

the first post in 2010.. lol..
so long nvr updated my blog..
feel lazy to upload, dunno wad to write..

recently started my college life AGAIN..
n now is already week 4.. so fast..
10 more weeks to assessments n recital.. OMG..
started of the semester, feels so stress with the workshop..
but for now, im quite excited, coz until now,
we only had 1 workshop.. haha..
all bcoz of the residence artist.. woohoo..
please keep coming on friday around 1.30.. =D

the BIGGEST news is, im going back to jakarta next week..
gonna spend CNY like usual.. can't wait!!!!!!!!!
i wanna go back!!!!!!!

almost done..

im almost done with my exam!! yeay!!
1 more exam and im officially FREE..
can't wait to finish my main study exam..
after that i can go n have fun for a while,
then im goin back to medan!!!!

there's a lot of things i wanna do after my exam..
go JB with besties, go to kitty lab, take christmas pictures in orchard, gathering with mer, jess n rhoda, and the last is packing to go back.. LOL..
there's a lot of movies i wanna watch, so many good movies in my holiday time..
hope that i can watch all.. haha.. =D

i really mizz all my frenz in medan..
wanna go out with u all,
wanna go crazy with u all,
wanna go karaoke with u all,
wanna gathering with u all,
wanna do evrything with u all.. haha..

1 more week countdown!!!! so EXCITED!!!!

im just tired with all these things!!!!!!!!!!
im really tired.. =.=
i just want everything to end faster....
can't take it anymore.....

the pressure is too big for me..
i don't feel the passion anymore..
i lost my passion that I had before
and i can't find it now.. T.T

20

20 is the title of my post now,
20 is a number that i dun really like.. haha..
i've just pass my 20th bday last few weeks..
feel quite old.. LOL..

recent happenings are i'm goin to have all my exams starting from this thursday..
this week : ear training exam
next week : pop composition
next next week : essay, listening test, workshop exam
next next next week : main study

it seems to be quite okay, coz not very many exams happening in 1 week..
wanted to pass this exams week faster,
so that i can go back to medan faster.. LOL..
my friend said to me all i think is going back to medan.. haha..
correct!!!! that's me!!!! =)
im just tired with all the college life.. >.<

btw, i just hope that i can pass all my exams!!!!
help me pray!!!! thanks.. =)

1 more day!!!!!!!!!

can't wait for SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!
it's like 1 more day to go..............
can you pass faster??
I can't wait to go back!!!!!!!
so in need of break now..

SATURDAY!!!! SATURDAY!!!!
I love SATURDAY!!!! XD

........

2 days class seem to be quite easy for others..
but the truth is NOT AT ALL..
coz the rest of the days,
i still going to schl to have ensemble practice..
so for me it's like everyday also goin schl..
still giving pressure to myself for the technical exam..
quite scared that i can't make it.. >.<
this level 2 is a tough level to pass..
just hope that I can do my best..

I think I keep wasting my money on foods nowadays..
been going to steamboat n eating quite ex foods,
but now I'm trying to save my money.. haha..

btw, the biggest news for now is :
I'm going back to medan in 2 weeks time!!!!
but it's a short one, around 9 days..
coz im having my break, n my parents need help with the shop..
besides that im goin to buy a new phone there,
coz my nokia's keypad really broken now..
hope I can get a javelin.. haha..
im looking forward to hanging out with my fren also,
although i think we can make it like 2 times only??
dun care.. as long as I can meet them n have a long chat!!!!

厚脸皮的女人！！！！

this post is dedicated to that 厚脸皮的女人!!!!
do u know wad the word "FRIEND" means??
you don't even know,
and you don't even have one..
that is the reason why you don't have true friends at all,
even your hometown friends also don't want to be your friend..

don't anyhow judge your friends..
just because they don't want to help you,
then you say they are not ur friend..
do u ever treat them as friend before????
NO!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!
you just treat them as ur "emergency" friend..
you only call them friend when you needed their help..
but at their back, you always talk bad things about them..

think before you talk!!!!!
before talking about other's bad, think of yourself first!!!!
don't always think that you're the best,
and other people is the worst..
厚脸皮!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Feeling..

this few months, I feel that I became more n more sensitive..

when I saw a child going out with his/her parents,
I started to feel very jealous and sad..
I just wanted to spend time with my family,
but I need to wait another 4 months.. T.T
I mizz my parents sooooo sooooooo much...............................

when I heard my mom's voice on the phone,
I wanted to cry, dunno why..
it's just like I very long nvr talk to her..
I really miz the times taking care of the shop with her..

爸爸，妈妈 我好想你们！！！！！
真的很想回去。。
很习惯有你们陪在我身边。。
希望可以快一点会去！！！！！

TIREDNESS

tired is the keyword for this week..
starts from the day i came back to SG,
everything I do I do it myself and I'm alone..
I'm just not used to live without my family beside me..
I feel lonely..
and I started to think about my holiday,
which I spent with my family for 3months,
it's my happiest time..

next is my LCD screen, it's broken,
and I can't online at all until now..
and still my LCD screen is still broken now.. haiz..

last thing is my school life..
suddenly i feel depress with all the things happen at college..
it's just too sudden,
and I really can't take it anymore..


i was thinking of stopping school and go back to my hometown..
that is what I think now..
dunno whether is it good or bad decision??

I MISS MY MOM & DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sj (｡◕‿◕｡) blogged @ 11.36 PM

RANDOM..

why do people feel bored????
why do people feel stress????
why do people feel sad????
why do the things that we hope never come true????
why do things never work like what we plan????

just some random questions that I keep asking myself..
can't find the answer.. >.<
please tell me the answer if you have..

sj (｡◕‿◕｡) blogged @ 10.54 PM

1st month of holiday..

1 month of no blogging.. LOL..
lazy to blog, cause of the slow internet.. =.='
i pass my 1st month of holiday alreadi,
it's like evryday went to the shop to help from 12 to 6 plus..
want to learn something new on this holiday,
like baking, learn new instrument, etc
but it ended NOTHING.. haiz..........

thinking of taking grade 8 exam ASAP,
but after looking at all the criteria,
too hard for me.. OMG..
will start with the scales first..

still waiting for my result to come,
so scared that i will fail my level 1.. -.-'
oh please.. let me pass my level 1..............

nothing special in medan,
just hope i can have lots of fun with my fren bfore i go back..
still havent go to karaoke.. LOL..

will be blogging soon..
(hope so.. LOL..)

sj (｡◕‿◕｡) blogged @ 10.44 PM