sadness

so many things had happen for the past few months.. starting with lose contact with 'uncle' till another 'he' got in a relationship..

I'm totally losing contact with this 'uncle', i'm so tired with the way he treated me.. i'm like nobody to him, i'm not even counted as a friend to him.. like usual, he always ended up never replying my bbm and i'm really sick of it.. i'm a human being also, i have feeling too.. so i guess it's time to move on and try to forget this person.. he just came to medan last july for business trip, and we don't really have a conversation at all this time.. we turn out to be like two strangers, i know it's weird but that's the truth.. i think he's trying to stay away from me.. and i have been trying very hard not to look for him all this time and i did it.. maybe we are just not meant to be friends.. =(

somehow i ended up knowing that he get into a relationship.. i kinda hate myself for being so 'kepo', i like to see his twitter, and i found he tweet with this girl quite often, but sounded like they were very close.. i have been guessing for few days, and bbm-ing my besties about this and the worst is i'm trying to convinced myself that maybe they just friends, or maybe best friends.. but someday i found out that they are really together, with all those nicknames, and friends comments.. very heart broken when i saw that and i couldn't really accept it, telling my besties about him and she ask me to really forget him, but it's really hard to forget about someone u love and care so much.. and i ended up emo for 2 or 3 days and i just move on.. you can't do anything about it except wishing that they will be happy together.. i can't say that i really don't love you no more, but i will keep this feeling for my own..  nobody will know about my feeling towards you coz i scared that you will end up treating me as stranger like all the other person i love before.. =(

life is so tough, but we just have to move on.. i know that but talking is easy than taking action.. i wish that my life would be better after all this sadness happen to me.. all i want is a happy life, just as simple as that.. i need to gain my spirit back, coz i will be having my grade 7 ABRSM piano exam this coming wednesday.. hope that everything will went well and the most important thing is focus and don't nervous..

people change

it feels so bad when you realize your friends had changed.. they are not the people that you know already.. people change, left everything behind and move on.. why do people change?? can't people just stay the same??
the person that was once your best friend, now become strangers.. totally strangers.. how sad it is.. that's what life really gives you.. but you can't do anything to change it back, cause the people choose to forget everything and move on with a new path.. a path without you in it.. =(
sometimes you feel okay when your friend take you for granted, but still we're human, we have feeling.. we'll feel like we're not appreciated and not important if you keep treating us like that..
this life really gives you a lot of tasks everyday.. i'm so pissed off with my life nowadays.. so many things have happen and they really makes you feel so down and depress sometimes.. you keep asking yourself, "is it my fault?" *sighhhhh.....

2012

the first post on the 1st day of 2012..
haven't been blogging for 4 months, and lots of things happen.. but it's new year now, don't want to look back anymore.. have to look forward to 2012!!
my only wish for this new year is this year will be better than the previous one.. a year with lots of breakthrough, lots of learning, lots of friendship, but less regrets.. and please fill my life with awesome stuff and awesome people.. wish that my wish can come true.. =)
i wanted to change my life a bit.. maybe start with positive thinking?? my friend told me that i always think to the negative side, whatever the thing is.. i realised that, but it's my reflect.. i'm like trained to always think to the negative side.. but i will try to look more to the positive side starting from now.. it's so tiring to have a negative thinking, cause it makes u to think more and more..
and i want to start dieting again.. haha.. dunno whether it will work or not?? but not a total diet, just lesser the portion of my food.. the most important thing is i wish to make more friends!! i'm tired of relying on my only friends in medan.. sometimes people are just so egoist, they will just look for u when they need u, and when they had new friend they intend to forget about their old friend.. i'm tired of always be the one that please everyone and no one even thankful about it.. maybe it's time to go out and look for new friends, but how?????
tired with everything happen in my life, i just wanted a simple life.. is it very hard to achieve?? i will try to change my life from now on, start my day with a BIG SMILE, look more to the brighter side, and to be more outgoing person.. that's my new year resolution!!!! oh GOD please grant me the power to achieve my resolution!!!!

boring life

feel so bored with my life in the meantime.. although im very busy in the morning till evening, but still i feel so bored when the night come.. it's just like nothing to do, no one to find and to talk too.. sometimes i feel that i don't even have a true friend at all.. like all your friend just disappear when you need them.. and when you tried to find them, they will just take no action with that.. i'm tired of being so friendly and nice all the time, coz it will end up people don't even care about my feeling at all.. they will just treat you like rubbish or even air.. sighhh..

i think i'm totally lost now..
i don't even know where am i now??
what's my purpose now??

damn feel like screaming now!!!!!!!! damn feel like crying all night long!!!!!!